This week is, apparently, Pet Peeve Week. (I don't know who comes up with these things, but I guess it's a thing.) Since it's Pet Peeve Week I thought I'd take the opportunity to use it as a blog post and talk about some of my pet peeves...in books! Sometimes books do things that bother me, are completely unnecessary, and/or make me scream why why why. And lucky for you, I'm going to tell you all about them.
lk y u tlk lk dis
Text talk is obnoxious, okay? Maybe it's just me and the fact that I have to text in complete sentences with proper grammar and punctuation and everything like I'm writing an essay, but I hate text talk. WRITE YOUR WORDS.
the virgin's foreshadowing
Sometimes a character will mention their virginity in a way that makes me think that will change by the end of the novel. For some reason it bugs me. (Or maybe I'm just thinking of a book it happened in and I did not like that book for a number of reasons.)
why aren't ya couples on MTV?
OKAY, SO. There are certain situations--typically in dystopian and apocalyptic worlds--where I very highly doubt someone has contraceptives on hand. AND YET. How many characters get pregnant from baby making? I'M JUST SAYING. (Also, don't make me play the Did They or Didn't They? game. It's a stupid game. Just make it clear whether or not there's any bow chicka wow wow. I hate it.)
romance is the resolution
This is a new thing I've been noticing in books, possibly since I've been on a contemporary kick lately. At the end of the book, the question to the romance is answered and it's tied up in a nice little bow. But other things are left unanswered, unresolved, and we don't get to know what happens.
the separation of love interests
THIS IS MY LEAST FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I FUCKING HATE IT WITH A FIERY PASSION. WHY IS IT NECESSARY TO SEPARATE THE LOVE INTERESTS FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME? WHY MUST EVERY SERIES DO IT? WHY IS A THING? IT'S STUPID AND I HATE IT. IT'S OBNOXIOUS AND EVERYONE DOES IT AND JUST STOP. BURN IT WITH FIRE AND PUT AN END TO IT. BURN IT. BURN IT. AND QUIT SEPARATING MY SHIPS.
the italicized monologue
Why must a character, especially when their story is in first person, have a constant inner monologue going? Especially when the entire story IS their inner monologue? If I see a bunch of italics on a page I'm just like why? It's annoying and it makes my head hurt. Quit it with your inner monologue.
death as a device
I super don't like it when characters die, especially main ones and POV's I've been in. I also don't like it when a death is so quick and basically easy that it's as if the character was never of any worth. And when someone is killed before we get to know them just so that we can feel something I'm irritated because without getting to know the character I just don't give a shit.
there's an "i" in synopsis
Fact: Many times, if I'm checking out a book's synopsis and it's in first person (which should not be a thing), I'll look away and just ignore the book.
why is my book tattooed?
Do you know what should be ILLEGAL? Stickers on books. AND those "tattooed stickers" that YOU CAN'T TAKE OFF.
everyone's in on the joke but me
Books have to accomplish something between the author and the reader. As the writer, you know everything about the story, and your characters know a lot, and it's important that all of that is conveyed to the reader and in a "language" that is understandable. Because if that connection is missed and the reader doesn't understand what the writer is saying, then it's a feeling akin to everyone being in on the joke but the reader--and they just don't get it.
nancy drew is sick of your shit
It is absolutely fantastic that books that can have a "mystery" aspect, a part of the story that keeps you guessing or that's waiting for the right time to be revealed. HOWEVER, sometimes it's overdue or misused and leaves the reader feeling frustrated and annoyed because JUST GET ON WITH IT, MAN. It also creates the risk of the building anticipation being released and ending up underwhelming.
so much gloss it's greasy
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Books have the opportunity to give me every down and dirty detail--so do that. Give me everything, go big or go home, you get the gist. I've been getting irritated when scenes are glossed over and not elaborated on, or things happen so quickly that details are minimal and I'm totally missing out on so much potential in the story. So quit glossing over the story and give me everything single piece of it.
jump off the fucking cliff
There's a line danger toes in books (especially thrillers and in thrilling scenes), and that line is the edge of a cliff. You can either stand on the edge or you can go over it in a scene. For the love of everything, go over the edge and jump off that cliff.
you're embarrassing me
Sometimes characters do things and I'm just like WHY WHY WHY. You're embarrassing yourself and, more importantly, you're embarrassing me. Actually, this really goes hand in hand with my next peeve.
Books have the fantastic chance to do anything and everything--that's the beauty of fiction. But it's still important that, though a book may be utterly unrealistic, there's still a sense of realism. Otherwise the story lacks believability, the characters don't seem real, and I'm struggling with the story.