Don't Look Behind the Bookshelf: Day 6

Don’t Look Behind 

the Bookshelf

Welcome to Day 6 of Don't Look Behind the Bookshelf, you unfortunate readers. (You can see yesterday's post here.) This time around it's not going to be so pleasant back here, and that's because you're on the menu. But the following post and author may help you survive that. Please get your fork and knife and put some salt on give a warm welcome to...

MATT WHYMAN

Matt is the author of numerous novels, including The Savages, which is perfect for Halloween. Instead of writing a novel about zombies eating people, Matt wrote a novel about people eating people--as in cannibals. So here he is discussing his...

Top Ten Tips for Budget Dining with the Savages

If money’s tight, and factory farming means cheap meat is off the menu, let a family of modern-day cannibals help you put good food on the table.

Source locally

Naturally, when it comes to bringing home human meat you’ll want to cover your tracks. Even so, there’s no need to spend a fortune on travel by hunting in far flung places. Take a tip from Titus Savage, the head of the family household, and create a watertight alibi before you see what’s available in your local neighbourhood.

Respect the seasons

It’s easy to find lean meat in the summertime, when clothing is scant. As people wrap up during the colder months, evaluate what kind of flesh you’ll find on the bone can be a lottery. Just don’t aim to be so picky when the nights draw in. There are plenty of tasty recipes for dealing with ‘meatier’ cuts. Your slow cooker is key.

Make the most of your freezer

As a space-saving tip, ‘evolved eaters’ such as the Savage family opt for a chest variety in the garage. If you’re limited to a fridge compartment, be sure to cut your meat into steaks that are easy to store.

Reject ready meals

The morgue might be an easy source of meat, but ultimately you don’t know where the bodies have been, or what length of time they’ve been lying on the slab. It might mean more effort, but you’re better off sticking with fresh meat – selecting only those who have led healthy, free-range lives.

Avoid eating out

At least in the comfort of your kitchen you can take time cleaning up every last shred of evidence.

Plan ahead

A contemporary cannibal doesn’t just feast on the spur of the moment. That’s how mistakes are made, which can prove costly. So, set a date to dine and stick to it. Relish the run up, and take your time making sure the cooking preparations are nothing short of perfect.

Portion control

As the ultimate in soul food, it’s easy to get greedy when gorging on human flesh. Just be aware that a little can go a long way if you chew your food and enjoy the conversation, rather than just chowing down. A little really can go a long way here.

Steer clear of temptation

Impulse eating is bad for your waistline, plus the risks of just snatching anyone off the streets is likely to lead to a lengthy prison term. A modern-day man eater should be a master hunter, which demands great patience and precision.

Let nothing go to waste

Chucking anything away is potential evidence, so cook all you can. Ultimately, when it comes to humans, whatever you don’t have space for in your stomach makes a tasty stock.

Go vegetarian

The Savages might be the last people to consider broccoli-bothering, apart from daughter Sasha when she falls for a sausage-dodger, but if you’re hard pushed to afford a decent cut of meat then there is a tasty alternative that still delivers all the goodness. There’s no bloodshed or compromise to your conscience – plus it saves on the pennies (and the people on your plate).

Meet the HOsts

Title: The Savages

Author: Matt Whyman
Publisher: Hot Key Books

Publishing Date: June 6, 2013

Pages: 288
Goodreads | Amazon
| Barnes & Noble

They'd love to have you for dinner . . .

Sasha Savage is in love with Jack - a handsome, charming ... vegetarian. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that Sasha's family are very much 'carnivorous'. Behind the family facade all is not as it seems. Sasha's father rules his clan with an iron fist and her mother's culinary skills are getting more adventurous by the day. When a too-curious private detective starts to dig for truths, the tight-knit family starts to unravel - as does their sinister taste in human beings . . .

What the Critics are Saying

“Just occasionally I read a book so deliciously dark that it takes my breath away - and this is such a book. Whyman draws you into his macabre family drama with exquisite wit, perfectly-pitched dialogue and a thrilling confidence ... Perfect for those who have outgrown Lemony Snicket.” — The Daily Mail

“A dark-hearted comedy of family life.” — The Guardian

“A rare, delectable treat, well worth devouring. I'd happily go back for seconds.” — The Scotsman

The Man at the Head of the Table
Matt Whyman is a distinctive voice in cutting edge teen fiction. His books include the acclaimed Boy Kills Man and the Carl Hobbes thrillers, Icecore and Goldstrike. He also writes advice columns for numerous teenage magazines, and his books for adults include the comic memoir Oink! My Life with Minipigs.

Website | Twitter | Facebook

We'll See You Tomorrow
Thank you for joining Matt and the Savage family for dinner--it was delectable! And don't forget to check out Matt's sites and his books. The Savages just screams Halloween!

You'll want to come back tomorrow for the seventh day of Don't Look Behind the Bookshelf! There will, of course, be another author and another post. But I must warn you: it may be a little bloody...